Things feel like they are working

Dreamlook Eyelid life things

If you've ever seen the commercial for these, they are little silicone like stickers that you can put up on your eyelid in the crease to lift the lid. Kind of minorly faking an eye lift. This is NOT going to give you drastic results if you are in your 30's, I guess. I only use it on one eye to try to even out the "normal" eye and the lid that has the gold weight in it.

I will try to post them in order...this is the picture without the eye lift.

This is the picture with the eye lift...it is in my right eye.

Just plugging along

Nothing really to report...at the risk of being repetitive. Still having to watch what I eat and feeling a lot of tension when I do my exercises, just a lot of jaw clenching. I can feel some tension in the muscle near my mouth. And if I'm touching it lightly I can feel a tiny pull up toward my ear. Nothing major, but enough to make me think it knows what it is supposed to do, so that's good.

I have been using Manual Lymphatic Drainage that I learned from the Upledger Institute (they teach the Chikly method) but I am only working on clearing the neck area. I haven't done any work on my face because I am trying to find a therapist trained in re-mapping lymph drainage. I didn't go far enough with that and I'd have to imagin plopping a muscle from my leg in my face might have confused things a bit. It's slow going, I tried working through the Breast Clinic (because they are the most likely to refer for lymph therapy) but they only have someone who does arms. Gotta start somewhere so I'm still searching.

When I do the therapy myself, I can feel a pulling kind of feeling, like it is removing some of the fluid that has nowhere to go. It is only seeming to affect the upper part of my face around my undereye area. I don't think it's a coincidence that that area is also the least swollen and feels the most like it's "mine". So I am going to keep after it until I can find a therapist to help. If nothing pans out, I am also waiting on an email to find out if they have any recent graduated students or any teaching assistants in this area that also do this work.

More pictures, though they are getting to be redundant.

Zoe's first fishing trip...and graft moved!

You can't see it move yet. But I felt the tiniest little pull in the right direction. I'm taking it slow, trying to force the contraction maybe 20 times a day and that's it. I want the connections to still fire, and keep the neuromuscular junctions intact. But I still don't want the muscle to bulk up in the way it seems like it wants to. I'm watching this puppy like a hawk!

We took Zoe on her first fishing trip today, she learned to fish on the same lake her Daddy did...with how life changes and how spread apart families get and how much everyone moves...it's nice to have some constants. Didn't catch anything but a turtle. To hear Zoe tell it, Daddy caught a turtle, Mommy caught worms (the bait we used), and Zoe caught a shark! Totally untrue, my 3 year old is already a master at the fisherwoman's tales of mighty conquest!

She had to potty while we were out and looked at me like I'd lost my mind when I said we'd potty outside today. She opted to wait. And wait she did, until she couldn't. Then we finally made it all work and she was so proud of herself. She ran back to Jas yelling "Daddy, I pee in the woods!!!" So proud. Ahhh, moments of pure parenting pleasure. My little princess fisherwoman can answer nature's call IN nature. A true moment.

2nd post surgical appointment

Otherwise known as PRAISE THE LORD, I CAN EAT!!! I know you will be thrilled to hear me stop complaining about that.

It was one of the first things he said, and I told him that I've pushed my limits eating a bit already and I can tell you for sure, the embargo on some of my favorite foods will still be on. Nothing that makes me tear to eat...like panini sandwiches or pizza. No raw veggies like carrot or celery sticks (let's be honest, do I eat those anyway?) But I'm going to start with braised "fall off the bone" type meat and fish. No shrimp, already tried it...too chewy and irritates my jaw. I will be carrying Tylenol around with me, but it is so worth it.

Jas took me to Chipotle for a victory lunch (only because Outback isn't open for lunch!) and I had my fave Barbacoa crunchy tacos. More like a crunchy salad and it took forever to eat b/c I can still only eat really tiny bites at a time. But my whole body is doing the happy dance!!! I'm hitting up my favorite cupcake place in a few min ;) I had lost 16 pounds since my surgery day, and I have a feeling I won't be losing any more just yet!

Dr. L said I can also start moving it now. When I bite down, if you are touching my cheek you can feel the muscle stiffen a bit. There's just no movement. And the itching, dear Lord, the itching. He said it's a good thing, it means the nerves are waking up and it's a good sign that it's happening at the attachments. He said now is the time when we sit, wait, and hope. The surgery went perfectly...with the second surgery snafu out of the way, the healing went textbook well. Now we wait and see what my body decides to do. I feel good about it. I can feel a firmness in the two attachment areas when I bite down. But it's nothing you can see on the outside. I am already glad I did this. If nothing else, it gave me back control. I have done what I could to try and restore my smile, and I feel at peace with that. Can't say that if it doesnt' work at all that I won't be disappointed, because I will. But I did what I could, and I can handle that.

Still no going back to yoga class yet. Absolutely no inversions and nothing that really causes my face to feel strain (like when you are pushing forward to lunge or just really can feel yourself holding tension in your head when working out). I've found some adaptations to keep me as flexible as possible, but the trick is not irritating the leg. Balancing again is also completely different. Most of you know my balance is God awful anyway, but there's a new dimension of awful-ness to it now with that muscle to compensate for. No biggie. It will come.

Love to all, off to eat everything in sight.

Still mostly the food thing that's getting to me.

I realize the food thing is getting redundant, sorry about that. But most days it really is all I can think about.

The swelling in the mouth is gone, just the scars from it hitting the biting surface of all the teeth to heal and then done with that. I don't have to puff out my cheeks to keep from biting the crud out of myself anymore, that IS progress.

In the morning, I have very little swelling at all. As the day progresses, depending on how I eat, I get a really large shelf of muscle tissue at my ear and at my mouth where the attachment is. That gets a little sore, but not enough to bother with anything stronger than Tylenol. And still LOVING the Valium for actually getting sleep.

Haven't tried anymore movement of the muscle. I have learned there is a LOT more you do with your teeth than you think. Think of all the darn packages you can't open! Think of all the random things that you hold in your mouth while you do something else. Geez.

The leg is healing well, I've started scar massage with it. I am noticing that I get weary really quickly, seemingly out of nowhere. It's usually once I've been walking about an hour, like at the aquarium and marsh the other day. But it's still not painful, just achy. I can get into my yoga squat, but I can only hold it for about 3 minutes. And I know part of my lack of endurance is partly due to the fact that I don't eat much. I am starting to hate milkshakes and smoothies. Lately I am surviving on baked potatoes, but pissed that I can't eat the skins very well. And, sorry if anyone loves is, but Wendy's chili SUCKS.

Doc appointment tomorrow. I already know I'm not going to be released to eat normally or exercise normally...so I'm not really sure what we're going to do, but we'll see.

Going well, just slow

Here we are, about 3 weeks from my original surgery. I'm impatient, I don't like stalling, and I feel like the swelling just isn't going down any further. The draining from behind my ear was making me crazy. Yesterday was the first day I had no dripping, even when eating. But of course, on the tail of "thank God that stopped!" was "Hmmm, it feels like it may be healing over, but what if it's getting infected?". I can't see it, and Jason can't really feel what I feel and I can't really describe where I'm feeling the hard part.

But since I can feel it, I can't seem to not mess with it. And I'mhaving to physically restrain myself from messing with it b/c I don't want to impede the process if it is healing.

I've been a little too ambitous with eating the past couple of days. I made shrimp and grits, which sounds benign enough. I even cut the crap out of the shrimp so the pieces were small. But my jaw got swollen that night. Then, we made "pizza spaghetti" with lots of cheese and sausage as small as possible, and overcooking the pasta. Still got a little too swollen. It's funny to me how everyone keeps saying "throw ____ in the blender!". I challenge you, try that sometime and you won't ever say that to someone on a liquid diet again. NASTY.

I am sleeping SO well since taking the Valium. Getting up is a challenge because I want to sleep more. An active 3 year old makes a GREAT alarm clock!

Buffy left to go home today, we miss him. Sure is quiet around here. My first day completely alone wth Zoe since surgery. Liking real life coming back!